Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Pity Post

"A girl was lost in the jugol and she was never found but she was happy."

Artwork courtesy of my baby boy, Zachary (age 7)

Before you read any further, let me issue a warning: this is going to be a long pity post. It's going to be full of self-pity, whining, venting, and just a bunch of plain ol' feeling sorry for myself. If you're not up for it, I won't mind at all. Just feel free to exit and come back in a day or two. Hopefully I'll be in better spirits by then.

Back to the artwork above. This was done by my son during this past school year. I love this little picture and especially love the words he wrote to go along with it. It just seemed so simple yet so deep. Right now, I would like to be that girl - happily living carefree, although, lost, in the jungle. I'm just going through some stressful situations and I guess I'm not handling them very well. To begin with, our son Zachary, has a history of seizures. You may or may not have read about it when I discussed it in the past. Basically, all his tests have come back fine and normal, and, they aren't febrile seizures, they just do not know why they are happening. Apparently it's not that uncommon for children to have some seizures and then go on to outgrow them. We are praying that happens. He has continued to have a few seizures, usually once every month or two. They all (*knock on wood*) occur during the night, while he's sleeping. Even though it's always awful to go through, I'm just grateful they happen when he's at home with us, instead of at school or something. He's been on medication, but, due to the fact that he still continues to have seizures, his neurologist wants to try a different medication. He feels like we should be able to totally control them. We started the new med about a week ago, so far so good. But, it has been know, in some patients, to cause bad side effects (hostility, agitation, depression, suicidal tendencies, etc.) So, needless to say, I am extremely concerned and stressed about that. We are weaning him off of his original medication, which means, for a little while, he will be on both meds at the same time. This can also mean a better chance for having side effects. But, as I said, so far so good. He may be acting a little more rowdy and loud, but nothing to unbearable.

Now, onto stresser #2. Last week, my daughter went camping at the lake with her grandparents (my in-laws). Her cousin also went along. She came home Sunday night. Monday morning we get a call with news from my brother-in-law....little cousin has lice and apparently had caught it at daycare and had it the entire week she was camping at the lake. Of course, they didn't realize it but, ewwww! I have been a mom for 15 years and have never had to deal with lice. Frankly, it freaks me out. I immediately checked Shelby and didn't see a thing anywhere on her head/in her hair. But, I knew it was probably inevitable, since they slept in the same bed in the camper all week. Today, I did see a few flecks throughout her hair, so I assume it is lice. We spent almost three hours out on the back porch going through the treatment steps, applying the medicated shampoo, combing out every single strand of hair umpteen million times with that funky little special comb, etc. See the lovely photo below. It was hot, I was sweating, my glasses kept slipping down on my nose, but I didn't want to touch anything because I had rubber gloves on with the medication all over. UGH! It was not a fun afternoon. I have begun a major laundry-a-thon, washing anything and everything in hot water. My water bill will probably be sky-high. I've made Shelby throw away all her brushes, combs, ponytail holders, headbands, etc. I have vacuumed mattresses, couches, floors, etc. I'm not letting the neighbor kids come over to play, just to be safe. Keep your fingers crossed that we have those little buggers contained and exterminated. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. If anyone has any words of wisdom on this subject, please tell me.

Next, stresser #3....for awhile, I have been thinking about going back to work. Not because I want to, but, because, financially, I need to. Hubby is a firefighter, but, has always done something else on the side. Most recently, he has been building houses. Over the last few years, he would build one or two houses a year and this was great. I was able to continue to stay home full time. However, this is not really an option right now. The economy and housing situation is so bad, no one is building. I'm a registered nurse, but I have been out of the work force for a little more than ten years, so it is extremely scary to think about getting back in. My nursing license has lapsed, so I will need to complete a refresher course and a few other things before going back to work. There are just a lot of logistics to work out - having four kids on three different school schedules for one thing, having a husband who works 24 hour shifts at the firehouse for another. I have always been here to put the kids on the bus, go on field trips, stay home with sick kiddos, etc. It tears me up to think I might have to give that up. Back when I was working, I worked night shift. I could do that again, prefer to really. But, then, there would be nights when both myself and hubby are working. I hate to leave the kids with babysitters (grandparents) overnight, especially when that is most likely the time of day Zachary could have a seizure. I feel selfish, because I know we need the extra money right now. But, I just can't figure out how it's all going to work out. I certainly have a whole new appreciation for working moms, I don't know how you do it. I keep praying every night that I will find a way. Pray for me, please.

If you're still with me, thank you for sticking it out and reading. I warned you it would be long and pitiful, didn't I? I actually feel a little better, just venting and getting it all down in print. Thanks for listening!


P.S. On a happy note, I just came across a $400 insurance check that I forgot we had....DUH! It came in the mail last week and I tucked it away in my planner and forgot it was there. I'm not usually so careless and forgetful but, as I said, it's been a very stressful week. Yippee for finding forgotton money, LOL!


noble pig said...

Sorry about ALL that crap, somehow things will work itself out! Take care.

Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

Wow. I'm exhausted just reading what you're going through!! Bless your heart - I sure wish I lived closer so I could help you out some. I know you're worried about Zachary - I mean, really, who wouldn't be? I remember when the doctors kept switching my daughter's medication (she was ADHD and a total nightmare!!). They put her on this one stuff that made her completely freaky. She walked up to us one day, after she'd only been taking the medication for less than a week, and said "you know you're going to die. We're all going to die". She was THREE years old at the time. Yeah. Enough with that. I got her right back into the doctor and told him that particular medication was NOT an option. Anyway, I tell you that story because I want to express to you that I kind of know the agony you're going through with Zachary. It's ALWAYS scary when your child's health is in question.

Now onto the lice. Oh. My. Gosh! Let me tell you - when we moved to Florida back in 1998 - my kids came home from school every single week with lice. WE, of course, treated the vermin - washed all the bed clothes, bleached all the combs and brushes, did the wicked nit-picking. The problem was all the OTHER kids and their parents. They were "too embarrassed" to admit to anyone that they had lice, so they didn't treat it as aggressively (it was a tiny little one horse town where everybody knew everybody else's business!). After about 4 weeks IN A ROW, I went down to the school and had a screaming fit about it. They finally started doing more lice checks and requiring kids found with lice to be inspected at the health department before they would allow them back in school. The treatments darn near bankrupted us! Oh, and one of the worst offenders? One of those "too embarrassed"? My very own sister. UGH!!! (Now I need a blood pressure pill after reliving all that. lol)

Now as to the money issues. Been there, done that. I worked only when we had to have the money because it was so difficult to find child care for my daughter. She went through more babysitters than I can even begin to count. We had 4 kids at home, too. Even my mom wouldn't watch my kids, though (let's just say that "bonding" with the grandkids was not something she took too seriously. lol). While the money situation may be rough now, the good news on that front is, it truly is only money. The phrase "this too shall pass" really does apply to money woes. It sucks to be in the middle of money problems, but you have to remember that there are many, many worse things to have to get through. Chin up on that one. Just make sure you and your husband communicate well about the money issues so you're both on the same page. Sharing that burden really does help (it helped us when I finally sat Randey down back in the day and explained just how poor we really were! lol).

I hope you get a moment of peace soon. Believe it or not, these are the days that will make your most vivid, and even treasured, memories (except for that lice crap, of course).


Jillian, Inc. said...

I WILL pray for you. I'm so sorry for all the stress in your life right now. Seems like when it rains, it pours, huh? As a working mom of 3 myself, I know what you mean about missing out and feeling pulled in both directions.

Rachel said...

I read this post last week and I'm just now commenting--sorry!

You know, I'm all for having a positive attitude and all but sometimes, darn it, things are all sucky and you need a time to process it. It's okay to have a sad day now and then and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Money issues? Lice? These are things most people face and while the good news is most people get through it, I'm sure they didn't enjoy it at the time, either.

I have been and will continue to pray for your son. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. You love him and he knows it and that is going to help get you through it.

Take it one step at a time and don't ever think you're pitiful!

Christie said...

Seizures can be so scary. My little brother had them when we were kids. Had his first one at age three, and it lasted three hours. Ambulance, life flight, the works. I still don't think my mom has recovered.

Hang in there. Your plate is full, but only because you're strong enough to handle it all.