Sunday, September 16, 2007

Mom's day out

Recently DH and I were having some issues. I find it difficult to not be bitter over the fact that he can more easily go out for "fun" time on his own than I can. Don't get me wrong, DH works his butt off and he works a lot. So, it's not like he's out roaming around playing all the time. But, if he wants to get together for a card game with the guys one night, he can usually just pick up and do that. If I want to go out for a dinner or something with the girls, it takes much more planning....who's going to check over all the kid's homework, who's going to make sure there's clean clothes for school the next morning, who's going to clean up the kitchen, who's going to give Zachary his medicine..etc. DH is perfectly capable of doing all this, and he does totally help out with every aspect of our life. But, I think I just find it hard to give up that control over those kind of things. So, anyway, back to our issues. I voiced my complaints that I never seem to do anything on my own just for me. Sure, the kids are at school during the day, and I'm alone then, but, I'm always cleaning or doing laundry or grocery shopping or something related to keeping house. DH and I decided that we should plan ahead so that I can take one or two days every month to go out by myself and do whatever I want. Today was my first day. I had been invited to a baby shower for a cousin that I do not get to see very often. Normally, I would take at least one or two of my kiddos with me, but today I went solo. I got myself ready and just left. No picking out clothes for the kids to wear or reminding them to brush their teeth or figuring out what they could fix for lunch...nothing. I left DH in charge of EVERYTHING for the day. It felt pretty good. I loved seeing so many of my relatives, it had been way too long. But, now that I'm back home, I see all the laundry that needs to be done and keep thinking about the bathroom that needs to be scrubbed. Being a SAHM shouldn't mean I never have a break, right? Why do I feel guilty when I do things without my family? Do any of you have this problem? How do you convince yourself that you deserve to get that time to yourself? I would love to hear your thoughts.....


Kari said...

Well bless your heart! I know how you feel, though. We have 4 kids, but half are up and out of the house (whew! lol). The other two are now 16 and 15. My second child had some issues growing up so I never really got to keep a job because I always had to take time off for doctors, for school visits, etc. Because of that, I ended up being a SAHM, which was okay. A huge part of me felt like that was the right thing to do and I loved being home for the kids. BUT. My husband had a built in social structure with his co-workers and he got out in the world and did things completely unrelated to the "household" while it seemed like every single thing I did, had to do with him or the kids or the house. Now that my kids are older and don't need me as much, I'm feeling kind of like I lost my identity all those years ago and I'm struggling to get it back. One piece of advice I can give you is THE LAUNDRY AND THE TOILET CAN WAIT. Do the couple of nights out with friends or family or whatever a month and learn to let some of the more mundane things go. The kids will learn to clean up after themselves once they figure out Mom's not always there to do it for them (and it's a good thing for them to learn anyway for when they're all grown up). And nobody but you will even notice if the house isn't spotless. Trust me. Live a little and cultivate those friendships! You'll need them later on in life!