Trying times

So, before I settled into my happy days of being a stay-at-home mom, I was a registered nurse. I worked nights at a hospital in the transitional care unit (this is like a step-down unit from ICU). I loved working nights -- I'm just such a night person. The hospital was darker and more quiet, with hardly any doctors buzzing around. It was just more laid back than the day shifts. Most of our patients were elderly. I loved working with these people. Some of them were lonely or confused with dementia. Even though that could be challenging, I loved talking with them and listening to their stories (even when sometimes their stories didn't make any sense). It was somewhat like taking care of a child. As much as I loved the people that I took care of, I can't really say that I miss working. Just before my third child was born, we made the decision that I would stay home full time. Up until then, my husband had taken care of the kids while I worked and usually the mornings after work (so that I could sleep). But, in addition to his job as a firefighter, he had also started his own lawn and landscaping business. It was getting harder and harder for him to stay home and take care of the kids so that I could sleep. We didn't want to put the kids in daycare (not that there's anything wrong with that, it was just our personal choice not to do that). So, I became a stay-at-home mom. That was 9.5 years years ago. I've never really regretted this decision. There were times when money was tight and I felt like "oh I should be working so we wouldn't have to worry about this" but then things would always have a way of being okay. Right now is one of those times. For the last few years, DH has been building houses. Usually just one or two a year. Enough to supplement his firefighter income and help us live comfortably. But, now the housing market is pretty much at a standstill -- no one is building houses right now. We are starting to feel the stress of only having the one income. We've discussed the posibility of me going back to work. But, I have to tell you...after being out of nursing for almost 10 years, it's a scary thought. So much has changed - technology, medication, I would be a nervous wreck. And, even though I think my job as a "mom" is one of the most important jobs of all, it has changed me. I just don't think I have the confidence to go back out into the work force after all this time. Not to mention the work I would have to do in order to even get my nursing license up to date. I would be required to take an approved refresher course before going back to work. This course would take quite a bit of time and is pretty expensive. So, I really don't think this is the route to go right now. I'm just torn about what to do. I could find another job of some sort, but, not one that would pay what I could make as a nurse. I'm hoping we can just ride out these tough times and get through it without me going back to work. Is that selfish of me? We have four children, who go to three different schools. They play sports, are on the academic team, take piano lessons, etc. The thought of having to coordinate all that while working is truly daunting to me. Plus, DH works 24 hours shifts at the firehouse, so on those days, he is not here at all. I don't know how all you working moms do it. I am in awe of you, really. It's just such a tough thing anyway I look at it. Anyway, thanks for listening. It feels better just to talk about it.

~K